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Kom så skrattar vi.... :0)


Acke

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Regnr: NHL722

Färg: LBLÅ

Fabrikat: CITROEN CX 25 GTI

Årsmodell: 1988

Fordonsslag: PB

Chassinummer: MANG0006NG8812

Fordonsstatus: Avställd (2002-07-29)

Antal ägare: 8

Datum för första reg.: 1987-11-09

I trafik första gång: 1988-06-10

Direktimport: Nej

Utredning: Nej

Tillfällig registrering: Nej

Tekniska data

Effekt kW: 89

Antal passagerare: 4

Max släpvagnsvikt: 1800

Max släpvagnsvikt B-behörighet: 1450

Max lastvikt: 430

Kopplingsanordning 1: KULA

Däckdimension bak: 195/70R19

Kaross: Täckt, Taklucka

Drivmedel: BENSIN

Observera att informationen ovan inte svarar på om fordonet får föras fram i

trafik. Exempelvis om fordonet har körförbud

:blink: :prop:

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Och det är den bästa grill jag ätit ifrån

Tja, det kan ju knappast varit cittrans förtjänst att det blev bra....

Man får väl hoppas att inte grillen rostar sönder för honom.

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Underhållande text om människor och fildelning / peer to peer verksamhet som jag hittade på följande länk http://www.bash.org/?572066

#572066 +(3644)- [X]

<Tall Israeli> I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.

I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.

Then the Tom got an idea.

An awful idea.

The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.

What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?

And this is where the fun begins.

The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.

The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."

For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.

I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.

They asked for Grandma.

They got Joan Jett.

At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.

At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?

This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?

Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.

If I may quote Method:

"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."

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Underhållande text om människor och fildelning / peer to peer verksamhet som jag hittade på följande länk http://www.bash.org/?572066

#572066 +(3644)- [X]

<Tall Israeli> . ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?

Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.

If I may quote Method:

"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."

Home / Latest / Browse / Random >0 / Top 100-200 / Add Quote / Search / ModApp

:biglaugh2: :biglaugh2: :biglaugh2: :biglaugh2:

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night.

Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy".

Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on my way then".

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.

He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.

"Shoite,Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just

get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and

shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,

feels much better and takes a step out onto the pavement.

He falls flat on his face.

"Bi'Jesus.. I'm fockin' focked," he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way".

But he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says

"I can make it to the bed".

He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face.

He says "Fock this, I gotta stop drinking," and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says,

"Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?"

Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?

"Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub"

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Med risk för att avslöja mitt dåliga sinne för humor, här kommer ett antal olika typer av skitar. Like it och leave it!

1: Spökskiten

Du vet att du har skitit. Det finns skit på papperet men inget i muggen. Ibland kallas den för "Torpedskiten" av de som hör plasket.

2: Teflonskiten

Glider ut så snabbt och lätt att du inte ens märker det. Det finns inte ett spår på papperet, utan du måste kolla i muggen för att vara säker på att du skitit överhuvudtaget.

3: Kletskiten

Samma konsistens som tjära. Lämnar permanenta märken i muggen och du torkar dig 18 gånger utan att bli ren. Det slutar med att du ger upp och stoppar papper i kalsongerna för att inte skita ner dem.

4: Den tveksamma skiten

Du är klar, torkar dig och är precis på väg att ställa dig upp när du inser... det kommer mer!

5: Spräck-en-ven-i-pannan skiten

Skiten som fick Elvis att kasta in handduken. Den kommer inte förrän du är svettig, skakande och alldeles blå av all ansträngning.

6: Dietskiten

Du skiter så mycket att du tappar 10 kilo.

7: Nu direkt skiten

Du får minsann vara inom en 10 sekunders radie av muggen. Normalt så inträffar den innan du hinner få ner byxorna.

8: King Kong skiten

Den är STOR, så stor att det är tveksamt om den kommer att kunna spolas ner utan att bli delad (normalt går det bra med en klädhängare). Vanligtvis skiter man en sån här när man är hos någon annan.

9: Blöta skinkor skiten

Skiten som alltid gör magplask och skvätter ner hela häcken.

10: Önskeskiten

Du sitter där, jäkligt skitnödig, fiser ett par gånger men skiter ändå inte.

11: Cementskiten

När du väl börjat skita önskar du att du fått en ryggmärgsbedövning.

12: Ormskiten

Rätt mjuk, ungefär lika stor som tummen men minst en meter lång. Den har potentialen att bli en "Torpedskit".

13: Korkskiten, även kallad "Flytaren"

Du spolar tre gånger och den är fortfarande kvar. Herregud, hur blir man av med den, den är fanimej osänkbar. Naturligtvis inträffar denna skit alltid hemma hos någon annan.

14: Den Mexikanska skiten, eller "Vulkanskiten"

Det är som att skita sulfat. Låt absolut ingen svett rinna mellan skinkorna de närmaste dagarna. Det är inte riktigt säkert att börja äta förrän häcken slutat svida. (Det är så mexikanerna vet att de är hungriga.)

15: Ölskiten

Den absolut värsta, naturligtvis också den mest vanliga. Inträffar dagen efter kvällen före. Normalt brukar det ju inte lukta så illa, men den har skiten luktar verkligen faan! Du sprajar muggen så mycket att det ser ut som om den blivit dränkt i tallbarr och fattar inte hur din häck kan sprida så mycken skit genom ett sånt litet hål. Sen upptäcker du att det inte finns ett spår av toapapper, ingen doftspray, ingen toalettborste och, naturligtvis, står kvällens ragg utanför och väntar på att muggen ska bli ledig. Självklart inträffar denna skit alltid hemma!

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  • 2 weeks later...

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