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Kom så skrattar vi.... :0)


Acke

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Saxat från ett annat forum:

När personen i flygsätet bredvid dig irriterar dig:

1. Ta fram din laptop

2. Öppna laptopen sakta

3. Slå på den

4. Var helt säker på att grannen följer med på vad du gör

5. Öppna Internet explorer

6. Stäng ögonen ett par minuter och titta upp mot himlen ( Lyft gärna händerna en aning)

7. Ta ett djupt andetag och öppna följande adress: Länk

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Ett spännande förslag på Sevenbil. Frågan är räknas verkligen dessa däck som dubbdäck? Skall kolla om de verkligen är märkta enligt Transportstyrelsens normer. Vikt / effektförhållandet gynnar "numerär" effekt på den här bilen. Designen är väl rätt ok. Lite lagom med tillbehör och trevligt med möjlighet till ett enklare regnskydd.

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En del allvar i komedin. Några tips

1. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


2. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.


3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.


4. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.


5. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

5. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


6. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.


7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.

7. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


8. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.


9. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


10. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.


11. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.


12. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.


13. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.


14. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.


15. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


16. Never miss a good chance to shut up.


17. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

18. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

19. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

20. There's nothing to learn from the second kick of a mule.

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A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and he

sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear

everything, so he does sign language instead. He points at his eye meaning

"I", he points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth

in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor knods his head, pulls down his pants and starts

masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets angry and he runs down to the

1st floor and yells "What the fuck is wrong with you? I NEED A HANDSAW!" The

other guy says : "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you that I'M COMING…….."

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Den där skulle jag målat som en nyckelpiga :)

Lita annat bjäfs:

Laga kolven lite, sådärja :)

botched-piston.jpg

"diff" svetsning, garanterat stum ;)

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Kompsänkning, det slipar vi till :D

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Hur var det nu med kardanvinkeln, inte så noga va?

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Och om du inte satt kaffet i halsen ännu så kan du på egen risk klicka här, glöm inte att kolla sida två också ;)

http://128.83.80.193/scarysteering/scarysteering2.html

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Kan vara en "par-realterad" bil dvs den som nomalt inte har hand om ratt och pedaler utan sitter bredvid men ändå gör allt för att köra kanske byggde om familjens bil en natt och därmed tog hela kontrollen både ratt, pedaler och körningen............

Edited by cealm
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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Den ultimata moderna presenten. Så less på att alltid få tillbaka icke återspolade DVD och Cd.

DVDrewind.jpg

Edited by cealm
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  • 2 weeks later...

Gillar du Musse Pigg, Kalle Anka och Långben på husvagnssemester? Deras husvagnen kan allt. I den här filmen finns en nog så bra funktion på en släpkärra med veranda

Hopfällbar bastu på släpkärra

Har du bråttom spola till cirka 3,15 min och titta ”bastu-utvecklingen”. (Obs först kommer lite reklam cirka 15 sek som tyvärr inte går att spola förbi)

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När jag var ung fanns det bara ett fåtal sorter. T-sprit (även kallad T-dojja ibland) sedan kom K-sprit och Blå spolarvätska. allmänt känt i olika kretsar på den tiden var att en vörtlimpa kunde göra "underverk". I vilken mån det var riktigt eller nonsens vet jag faktiskt inte.

Häromdagen ser jag att man lanserat en ny sommar-smak. T-sommar. Har den funnits länge? Jag har aldrig förut sett den. Ser ut som krusbär eller päron. Och så praktiskt till midsommar. Måntro om det kommer en smultron eller jordgubbesmak nästa vecka. Förresten blir det nog "jordgubbe" om det provas......

T-sommar.jpg

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  • 3 weeks later...

Finns INGEN och kommer ALDRIG finnas någon man som kommer förstå kvinnan fullt ut....sen finns det lättare och svårare kombinationer :) Vissa funkar medan andra inte gör det ;)

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  • 3 weeks later...

fyller på tråden - kanske mest ett svar på jocke4u fundering om det finns någon som förstår sig på kvinnor - boken heter Everything I Know about women I lerned from my tractor (har ej läst boken men jag gillar titeln)se länk http://books.google.se/books?id=mtJ0bnY7uaoC&pg=PA25&lpg=PA25&dq=women+tractor&source=bl&ots=KcYADiZiSU&sig=PG8px__i91teyW5kiZHG84a1vZs&hl=sv&ei=Pe9BTJXhIcusOI6ixYkN&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CCEQ6AEwAQ

kengren

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  • 2 weeks later...

Saxat från Locostbuilders

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'

My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's

dress and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs,

and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly

and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.

'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had

died of a massive myocardial infarct.

Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had

died of a 'massive internal fart.'

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed

me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications..

' Which one ?'. .. . I asked.

'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours

and now I'm running out of places to put it!'

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,

I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'

After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .

' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking

up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem

to get used to the taste.'. .. . Bob replied.

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled

into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,

entered . . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was

scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had

been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,

which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

Submitted by RN no name,

AND FINALLY!!!

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female

pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.

The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing

and further embarrassing me.

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'

She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .

' No doctor but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .' '

Dr. wouldn't submit his name....

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit

This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,

waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and

being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied..

'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts

for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is

underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came. "

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Hittade en ICA-kuriren i garaget idag, från 1951 minsann, man kan ju undra om mänskligheten utvecklats något på 60 år?

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Ja tydligen, iallafall vad man kallar folk för...

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Och kvinnosynen har väl också ryckt upp sig något, även om det är kul läsning, betänkt dock att författaren är kvinna! :blink: :lol:

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"Kvinnor förstår sig inte på skruvar" :rolleyes:

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"sopar upp krollsplint"

Vad tusan är krollsplint?

wikipedia hade svaret!

Krollsplint (från tyskans krollen, hoprulla sig.) är bladfibrerna från dvärgpalm, som förr användes istället för tagel, som stoppning i möbler och madrasser.

Alltid lär man sig något nytt.

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